Imposter Alert!
Cheese. It comes in all shapes, sizes, and strengths. And me, I love a nice bit of strong cheese. I don’t just think about it some of the day…No: it IS my day. So when my local supermarket announced it was getting some ‘super strength British cheddar’ in, I rejoiced!
I threw a small party and rejoiced more!
The big day came:
I was there extra early. Three hours early, in fact. Well before any other local cheese-lovers showed up. Just before the doors opened and all hell broke loose a caravan appeared of cheese storage units. In it were some cheese lovers from up north who had caught wind of the new cheese arrival. They queued with me–
The doors opened and we all rushed in. All six of us. We ran down the aisles, we skidded around the corners. And we arrived at the cheese. It was on the counter in front of a magnificent sign that read ‘new extra strong British cheddar!’
So I did it. I took a deep breath (to maximize flavour) and delicately took a piece. I put it in my mouth and prepared myself mentally for the over-load of flavour that was about to come–
And I waited. That was what I did. I kept waiting for some time–until a rage more furious than a hurricane grew within my loins. This was not extra strong cheese! This was a hoax!
I told the man behind the counter as much. Then I quizzed him about the history of cheese. You know what happened? He had no idea about the history of cheese! He was an imposter–dressed to look like a cheese-expert, but completely lacking the knowledge to pull such a worthy position off!
Now I stick to importing my cheese. It’s the only way to get the strength I desire.
Comments are closed!